I remember reading a thing in the paper where they wrote a list of stupid instructions that they found in various places. Here are a couple of my favourites:

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area that you have just bombed" - From a US Air Force Manual

"Aim towards the enemy" - Instructions printed on a US Army rocket launcher

"Seat must be facing forward for take-off and landing" - On the back of the pilot's seat in a NATO aircraft

"Do not swallow" - On a Kingsize mattress

AND NOW MY FAVOURITE!!!

"In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood proceed uphill quickly" - One of the emergency safety procedures at a summer camp in the USA